So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
