if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
