If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize