idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
