After last night, I could never be a politician.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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