If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
