OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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