Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize