The maid of honor just puked.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
