you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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