he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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