worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
