His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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