i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
