I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
