You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
