....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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