He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
