Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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