I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
