you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
