I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
