You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
did you just send me my own nude
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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