Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
