so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Semen is not good for contacts.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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