He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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