He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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