she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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