Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
