Midget sex pt 2 tonight
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
