Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
