he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
