People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize