Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
