You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
