guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
