He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Operation Purity has been aborted
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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