Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
