he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
