i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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