I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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