Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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