I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
