i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
