guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
