I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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