If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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