u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
