I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
