do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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