Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
