yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
