I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
