So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
