and you said cock pushups were impossible
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
