just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
