HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need to calm my uterus...
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