god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
