I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
