Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
