Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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