Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
