So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
