Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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