If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
