I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
