you traded sex for a burrito?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
