Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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