I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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