good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize