I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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